When I was a kid, I remember dreaming of growing up, imagining all the freedom I’d have. You probably did the same. As kids, we think adulthood is a licence to do anything we want without asking permission. We picture ourselves staying up late, travelling wherever we want, buying what we like. Yet when I finally became an adult, I realised the truth was almost the opposite. Suddenly, responsibility became the norm. Everyone expects you to earn a living, pay the bills and keep yourself safe. That sense of adventure I loved as a kid? It slowly faded as I learned that taking risks is often seen as irresponsible once you have a mortgage and a family.

The Conventional Path towards adulthood

Like many, I followed the well-trodden path without questioning it at first: meet someone special, get married or settle down, have children, buy a house, and find a steady job to pay for it all. Society hands you an unofficial checklist and it can feel easier to tick off each box in order. You might find yourself with a partner, children, a mortgage – and to afford these, you stay in a dull job, not because you love it, but because it pays the bills. Before long, you’ve got that “ideal” life everyone seems to expect.

  • Marriage/Partnership: Finding a partner can feel like the next logical step in adulthood.
  • Children: Having kids is often seen as the ultimate fulfilment of life’s purpose.
  • Home Ownership: Buying a house with a mortgage is seen as “settling down.”
  • Stable Job: A steady (often boring) job becomes necessary to support the family and lifestyle.

Once you’ve ticked all these boxes, many people stop reflecting on whether it’s truly what they want. When everyone around you is doing the same, it feels safe to keep following the crowd. I see now that a lot of us don’t have the courage to question this. Instead, we think, “Well, this is just how life is supposed to be,” because everyone else seems to be in the same boat.

Rethinking Having Children

A big reason people step onto this conveyor belt is children. But I’ve come to question why we assume having kids is a must. Children are wonderful, but they are also incredibly expensive and time-consuming. So why have them? I’ve heard lots of reasons, but the one that gets me is: “We don’t want to feel lonely when we’re old.” Honestly, that might be the worst reason of all.

Think about it. The chances that your children will live near you for decades are actually quite small. They will grow up, chase careers or passions, maybe travel or move abroad. They might see you only on holidays or special occasions. And nowadays, it’s not uncommon for families to drift apart – sometimes over political differences, personal choices, or the child’s own partner. In fact, some surveys show around one in four adults are estranged from a close family member . Put bluntly, all the time and money you invest in your children might not guarantee they’ll stick around.

It’s no wonder birth rates are dropping worldwide. Many Millennials and Gen Z-ers are choosing to remain childfree. For example, a recent survey found that nearly one in four young adults plan to stay childless, mainly because of financial concerns and “the financial freedom that comes from not having kids” . In the UK and other countries, fewer people feel pressured to have kids just to avoid loneliness. Instead, they value freedom and flexibility over following a traditional path.

Generational Perspectives on adulthood

You’ve probably heard older relatives or colleagues grumble that younger generations are “irresponsible” or “afraid of commitment.” But I think they’re looking at it backwards. In many ways, younger people are being very sensible. They’ve seen how stressful and expensive traditional adult life can be, and they don’t necessarily want that for themselves.

Many of us prioritise experiences, travel, personal growth and independence over a fixed routine. We’re cautious about tying ourselves down too early. It’s not that we’re scared of responsibility – it’s that we want to choose which responsibilities to take on, when, and why. Some might even say that the younger generation is wise enough to avoid falling into the adulthood trap that caught many of their parents.

Breaking Free from adulthood: Choosing Your Own Path

Can you escape this adulthood trap if it doesn’t feel right for you? Absolutely. You can’t undo decisions like having children, but you can change many other aspects of your life.

Consider this: Do you really love your job, or do you just go there because you need the money? If your work drains you, why not explore other options? Maybe you can reduce your expenses, embrace a simpler lifestyle, or find ways to earn in line with what you love. I did this myself: I left the corporate world and discovered I needed a lot less money to live comfortably than I thought. When you do work you enjoy, you don’t feel the urge to spend money to escape your life, so your costs actually go down.

Here are some ideas to get you started on a new path:

  • Reflect on Your Priorities:  Ask yourself what truly matters. Is it career advancement or spending time on passions and hobbies? Is it a big house or freedom to travel? Knowing your values helps you make choices that fit your definition of happiness.
  • Simplify Your Lifestyle:  I found that once I gave up expensive city living and my daily commute, I needed far less money. Without the stress of commuting, I could cook at home more, walk instead of driving, and generally spend less. You might find you don’t need that second car or that large mortgage if you embrace a simpler life.
  • Explore Alternative Careers or Side Hustles:  Think about what excites you. Maybe it’s starting your own business, freelancing, or a job with flexible hours. These paths can be risky, but they often come with far more personal reward.
  • Surround Yourself with Like-Minded People:  When you decide to break free, you’ll meet people who have done the same. These are creative, risk-taking, innovative people who love life. They can become mentors and friends, sharing ideas and support. I’m amazed how generous this community can be – people are often happy to teach you the ropes of your new life and help you move forward.

Navigating Relationships

Before you make big changes, think about your personal relationships. Is your partner on board with your dreams? Sit down and talk honestly. If they’re not supportive, are you ready to face the consequences of pursuing your own path? It’s a tough conversation, but it’s better to know where you stand sooner rather than later.

You’ll also notice something interesting: many friendships may change. Some friends you had will drift away, and that’s okay. It’s not that they’re bad people; it’s just that they liked you as the person tied to the old life – the commuter colleague or weekend party-goer. When you change your life, those connections may not fit anymore. It can be painful at first to lose friends, but it’s such a relief when you start to meet people who truly appreciate the real you.

A New Beginning

If you’re feeling stuck or unhappy with the “default” adult life, remember this: Only you can change your life. It might feel scary to step off the expected path, but it can also be exhilarating. The first step is deciding that you deserve a life that fits you, not just society’s expectations.

I’ve chosen my own path, and I’m happier for it. I still have responsibilities, of course, but they are the ones I chose for myself. I have time for adventures, personal projects, and people I care about on my own terms. You can too.

I’d love to hear your experiences or thoughts on this. Feel free to share in the comments below. And if you ever need support or advice as you make these changes, I’m here to help. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Together, we can find a way to live life on our own terms.

Kind regards

Finn Majlergaard